I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
there's paper in my vomit.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
