Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
