have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize