I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
