Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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