i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
