living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
