dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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