I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
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YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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