you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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