Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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