I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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