i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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