I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
