I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am mentally ready for anal.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
