dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
