i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
