When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
