Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
