if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
