This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
