don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
