i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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