So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
