I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
