TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
