i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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