I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
