If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
