this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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