Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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