Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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