theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This house was built for laser tag.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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