I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
