Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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