i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
