I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
