Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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