My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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