Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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