I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
