i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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