I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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