Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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