I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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