I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
