Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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