Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
