I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
