I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
