so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
