Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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