im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
