From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
