apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
