are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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