i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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