Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
