How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
