I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
