her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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