Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
