420 ftw
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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