I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
