dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
