dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
