i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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