she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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