i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
