It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
