I CAN MOONWALK!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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