where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
4 words: hood of his car
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
