I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
