He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
