also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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