He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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