While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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