Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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