Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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