I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
